Understanding by R Ross Johnston
We were together.
We loved like we had never stopped loving
then we fought like old times too.
“What do you want from me?”, you screamed
as you drove us, speeding down the highway.
You threatened to destroy our lives, right then,
and still, I would not let go of my secret.
Now do you believe?
You will never understand what I want
and I will never tell you.
/June 6, 2003
/I’m finally getting around to answering your letter of 4/27.
/Guess you probably thought I wouldn’t answer…
/By the way, do you mind if I use your name for a job reference?
/I sure hate to think of moving again …
/I was surprised that you finally got your divorce.
/There were times that I never thought
/you would really go through with it.
/I imagine you feel relieved to have it all behind you
/so you can get on with your life.
/Congratulations on your masters.
/I suppose this will open up more job opportunities for you.
/From your letter,
/it sounded like you might be thinking about a job change.
/Do you plan to stay in the area
/or are you planning to move on to bigger and better things?
/Just in case you are curious – I don’t see Dominic any more …
/Should you ever want to call,
/I sometimes have my answering machine on,
/but if you say who you are and I’m home, I’ll pick up the phone.
/ Take care! Hope to hear from you!!
/P.S. – Phone # (In case you forgot) …
You are free from me at last.
defend yourself from my advances.
Your love for me will destroy you.
It will demolish your precious freedom.
I care. I want you to be safe.
my deepest desire is that you may feel nothing toward me.
Convince me that it is so.
Your love for me is your poison.
How well I know that you love me like no other.
Do you not understand
that you and I are together entrapped?
My love, I am your poison, most deadly.
/August 18, 2005
/I was surprised by your message on my answering machine.
/Sorry I wasn’t home when you called.
/It’s been a long, long time since I’ve heard from you.
/Briefly, just the major events:
/ Since you somehow managed to get my phone number,
/ you must know, I moved …
/ … died … I’m still devastated.
/ Keep in touch. Take care.
/(Enclosed a picture of my cat, Ebene)
We Belong Together
I have what you need.
Only I know what you need to live.
Feel my love.
Relax your defenses
beneath the protective shadow of my understanding.
Explore your boundaries
supported only by my loving patience.
Use me. Exploit my desire to satisfy.
You possess all that is missing from my life.
I feel your love.
you model emotional dimensions that I had not imagined.
you instruct upon the value of faith and fidelity.
you move with a sense of grace that serves only
to convey the depth of your classic beauty.
you are driven by the desire to satisfy.
Confidently, I know
that we will be given one more chance.
/December 8, 2005
/Can’t believe how long I’ve taken to respond to your letter.
/I didn’t mean to procrastinate, but I sure did!
/Wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.
/I’ll be in Columbus, probably arrive on 12/23 and leave on 12/25
/in the late afternoon. Would it be ok if I call you?
/So much to tell you that I don’t know where to begin –
/would rather just talk to you in person or by phone
/when I’m in Columbus.
/ I miss you too!
/(enclosed Christmas card)
/Wishing you happiness for the holidays
/and through the new year.
Thank you for last Christmas Eve.
Forever will I treasure our precious time together.
A time like no other in my life,
long-awaited and complete with fulfillment.
At last, our reaffirmation of love,
our final reunion.
Thank You, March 2006
Thank you for the words so well chosen
with the intent to hurt deeply.
Only you could know the words
that could tear us apart
leaving no hope for reconciliation.
So harshly delivered,
I could barely sense the love
that I have learned to expect.
The telephone was you murder weapon,
our love the innocent victim.
You had the courage to do what was necessary.
A messy job indeed.
Now we are free, two people again,
flawed, but liberated
from our vain effort to form perfection.
You are my personal hero,
so it will always be.
In return for your gift of life
I offer payment of the obligation
with a sincere promise
to turn from your world eternally.
that for the balance of my life,
I will not look back to know
where you may have journeyed.